“It’s very easy to comment on cooking but to get things right and make it.. Because I indulged in cooking quite a bit during lockdown period and I realised that it’s easy to cook… you can put the ingredients and everything… but who the hell is going to spend time cleaning up the kitchen after that”, says the film actor Madhavan.
Madhavan made this candid remarks during a The Perfect Match live online show programme organised by the Bharat Matrimony. Madhavan spoke about life, relationships, and marriage during his conversation with its chairman Murugavel Janakiraman.
Further on the topic, Madhavan said: “Oh I have changed in a lot of ways. My respect for all the people at home has gone up tremendously and I have realised that cooking is not as easy. I have understood how or where I can fill petrol in my own car and how much it actually costs and what the state of the economy is. So like they say in Hindi we understood aloo pyaaz ka kya daam hota hai. Very great insight into my actual life. I am very grateful… something positive that came out of the Covid-19 era.”
What is the advice you would give to that younger self of yours, knowing what you now know about marriage?
He explained, “I would say brother throw out all the ideas you had about an ideal marriage and how it’s going to be a bed of roses. This is going to be a bed of challenges. And nothing like how your honeymoon has been. More importantly, if you are able to soldier through it and if you are able to understand and make the right kind of sacrifices it will be well worth the effort.“
On the same topic of equal partnership and equality in a marriage, what would be your advice to men?
“I think, you should understand the meaning of equality first. We should ponder to understand it. It means equal opportunity, equal respect, equal hard work and equal admiration for each other,” Madhavan said.
Talking about the growing expectations in today’s youngsters, Madhavan said, “Expectation from a life partner has become hugely demanding because of exposure to social media and communication tools at an early age. The idea of an ideal match is about being ready to make sacrifices and change oneself to an extent that you’re able to maintain your identity and at the same time safeguard the marriage.”
Explaining why it’s important to communicate non-negotiables before marriage, Murugavel Janakiraman explained, “What is non-negotiable for you, is important to your happiness. You must make sure that the other person understands and supports that.”
To a question on whether understanding a partner’s non-negotiables before marriage is important, Madhavan replied, “I think it helped us immensely to know each other what our faults and strengths before we actually got married. I don’t know if a lot of people have that luxury in today’s world”.
Is there any secret for this kind of a long successful inning from a marriage point of view?
The successful actor said, “The secret is that you should care enough for the other person. To be able to handle the series of disasters for the other. That’s what secret of the marriage is. Things are never going to pan out the way you imagined, things are never going to come and brought to you. By virtue of getting the equilibrium in a relationship, it is already seeking. A smiling Murugavel Janakiraman added, “as Maddy said, Love which is the most important thing. Second is respect. The third is appreciation. Appreciating others and finally saying sorry. Say sorry when you are wrong and say sorry when you are not wrong also.”
Finally, did the lockdown affect your relationship with a spouse?
Madhavan was real candid saying, “I realised I’m not as patient as I thought I was. I’m not as determined as I thought I was. Because all my friends are working out and building 8 packs and 16 packs and I was just sitting at home wanting to watch TV and not thinking about anything, days and months kept passing by, When you are actually challenged into situations like this, I realised how strong Sarita is. Or she realised how strong I am. Or how compassionate I am or how caring I am. all those qualities coming and you realise about the person after two, three months and now, after many months of this
quarantine.. I think we have a completely new and refreshing understanding of each other.
What positive changes have marriage brought in you?
“I realized that I am capable of a lot more patience than I thought myself to possess. That was a great and happy insight. The second thing is I realised that a lot more can be achieved positively in a relationship with less yelling. Sometimes one gets so angry and the yelling is so much that the actual thing you are trying to communicate gets hidden in your tone as opposed to what you’re trying to communicate. So, if I really want to communicate something and I am upset about something, I become very calm and very quiet and use the precise words to communicate with her. Another positive change. The third positive change is that I realised you have a lot more strength than you credit yourself with. And the fourth important thing is which I can think of is that it made me understand where I need to stop in my career so that it didn’t affect my personal life,” Madhavan replied.